Rehearsals were going really well for the guys.  They were having a great time.  And despite himself, Donnie found himself not having to actually work to get along with Brian. Out of all the Backstreet Boys, he thought that if the situation were different, he and Brian would be the best of friends.  No one in either group seemed to sense any tension between them.  Honestly, Donnie couldn’t either. The Backstreet guys were really different than them, but at the same time, they were so much like them.

Donnie noticed that Kate was deliberately not asking how things were going.  She wasn’t really talking about much of anything. But she was all over him physically. Not that he was complaining.  He could never get enough of her.  Still, he missed talking to her and getting her viewpoint on things.  Now, from the moment they were alone together, it was all about sex.  And something about it was off.

One night after a particularly intense few hours of sex, he decided to make her talk.  He made extra effort to make sure Kate was completely sated and he was laying with his head on her stomach pretty much exhausted himself.

“So what’s up with you being insatiable lately?”

Kate knew exactly what he was talking about.  For all the skill she had at keeping secrets, she was a shitty liar.  And she knew he knew she was about to lie to him.  But she did it anyway.  “Can’t it possibly be that you are so fucking amazing that I can’t get enough?”

“Well, it could be that,” he said laughing and crawling up her body.  “But it’s not that.  There’s something going on.”

“A girl can’t just want you?”

“Yes, but even though I just spent,” he paused and glanced at the clock, “the better part of the last 4 hours doing every single thing I know you like to the very best of my ability, if I indicated I was just a little bit interested in taking you again, you’d attack me as if it had been a week since we made love.”  And then he proved his point.

The next afternoon, when they finally were both awake, things got a little disturbing. Kate knew Donnie was awake even though he hadn’t moved or spoken to her.  She was pretty sure he knew she was awake too.  She took a deep breath.

“I have to tell you something.”  She paused waiting to see if he said anything.  “I lied to you about something.”

“You know you can always tell me anything.  Why would you lie?”

She turned and looked at him.  “I didn’t think it would ever matter. I never thought I’d have to seriously think about it again.”

“Kate, I love you.  Tell me what’s wrong.  As much as I love all the hours we’ve spent in bed recently, I’d rather we were making love because you want me and not because you don’t want to think about reality.”

She sat there just mesmerized by his voice for a moment before she realized what he said.  “I’m not using you…”

He interrupted her “I know you’re not using me.  But you’re letting me keep you from thinking about things you need to think about.”

“You know, don’t you?”

Donnie sighed.  “I don’t know exactly what you want to tell me, but I know this much; Brian thinks he’s in love with you.”

Kate wasn’t sure what to say.  “I need to show you something.”

She took him downstairs and turned on her computer.  She explained that she had blocked Brian’s emails but had them all saved on the server then recently unblocked them & downloaded them all.

Donnie read every single email.  He still smiled at her when he finally looked up at her. “It doesn’t look like you’ve replied to any of these?  What’s with the guilt? Are you calling him?”

“No, I haven’t replied to him. I haven’t called him.  But I didn’t just block his emails like I told you.  I guess when I did all that, I wasn’t sure how things would work out for us.  I don’t know anything about how to be in a real relationship like what we have. You’ve been very understanding.  Can you forgive me for misleading you?”

He pulled her into his arms for a hug and made the hardest decision he ever had to make.  “Kate, I forgive you.  But I need you to do something for me. For you.  I want you to talk to Brian.” He felt her start to pull away and held her tighter.  “The two of you didn’t have any closure. You never had a chance to see how things would be if he was free to be with you. ”  She was upset and he could tell.  “I’m not telling you to leave me and go get into bed with him.  I just want  you to talk to him and spend a little time with him so you can see if there’s anything there for you.  I’m selfish enough to believe that you will come back to me, but I love you enough to want you to see you happy.  Even if someone else is the reason you are happy.”

“You do make me happy, Donnie.”  She was crying on his shoulder and he knew he had to let her cry.

“It’s okay, Kate.  Everything is going to be okay.”  He just wished he believed that.

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