The next day, Kate tried to ignore the emails from Brian.  Honestly she did. She even double-checked her files to make sure they were all alphabetical to try to pass time.  Finally, she gave in. It was just after lunch.

The first email was sent a week after Brian had left.

Kate, I think Leighanne suspects something. This is the first time in forever that I don’t know when I’ll see you again and I’m cranky.  Write me soon and let me know how things are going. Brian

It was rare for them to have gone more than two weeks without texting, talking, or emailing.  When she looked at the next email, it was almost three weeks after he had left her.

Kate, why haven’t you emailed me? I tried to call but it says your number is disconnected. I hope things are going well for you with that guy.  I still need you. Brian

She was a little shocked.  That was right after she had gotten her new phone.

She kept reading emails.

Kate, I miss you. Brian

Kate, I need you. Brian

Kate, I came to visit, but you’ve moved and didn’t bother to tell me where you went.  I guess that should be my biggest clue that you don’t want me anymore.  I’ll always want you. Brian

Kate, I hope one day you see this. Please call me. Yours, Brian

She read and read.  A few of the emails were angry. A few were descriptive of what he wanted to do to her the next time he got her into bed.   And then there was the most shocking email of all.

Kate, Leighanne has filed for divorce. She suspects, but doesn’t have any proof of anything.  In her heart she knows that I’m in love with someone else.  I’m in love with you. I always have been.  Always, Brian

Brian loved her? That was seven months ago.  More emails showed the progress of a very ugly divorce that was wrapped up fairly quickly.  Brian had been single now for three months.  But it was the emails that he sent regarding her and Donnie that broke her heart the most.

Kate, I saw pictures of you with Donnie Wahlberg? Is that the guy that you  met in Boston? You look happy.  Hope he treats you better than I did.  Always Yours, Brian

Kate, I read that you are engaged.  I’m kinda speechless.  Always Yours, Brian.

Kate, saw you on Entertainment Tonight with Donnie.  You looked hot.  I remember taking that dress off of you more than once.  It was one of my favorites. Always Yours, Brian

Then there was a brand new email from that morning.

Kate, it was lovely to see you last night. I’m perfectly willing to share you with him if you need what he gives you.  I’d rather not, but I’m willing.  I’ve missed all those sounds you make, the look on your face, the way you taste…I’ve never  wanted to be anyone else in my life, but I would have given anything to have been Donnie last night and been the one to make you scream like that where everyone could hear us.  If I ever get another chance to love you, I promise I’ll do it better. Always Yours, Brian

PS Does he play dress up with you?

She sat there and reread the email a half a dozen times. Was she crazy, or did Brian just kinda tell her that he loved her? She couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to have been the woman Brian had loved all these years.  To have been able to go to concerts, to hold his hand in public, to have his children, to have not been the secret he kept from everyone.  She had been jealous when Brian talked about Leighanne being pregnant.  Once Baylee was born, he showed her pictures of Baylee.  He was so proud of his little boy.  She had almost felt that she knew him just from hearing Brian talk about him so much and all the pictures she saw.  She did a google search for Brian and found lots of pictures of him with Baylee.  She couldn’t believe how much he had grown just since she last saw pictures of him.  It almost made her angry that she had given up that kind of life so she could be with Brian in the way that she had.  But that kind of sex had been worth it.  There was not one time that she had been with him that he had not made her feel like being with her had been his reason for existing.

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